Friday, October 29, 2010

This Week: Forgive...and Forget?

Acquaintance rape, or date rape, is "sexual assault by an individual known to the victim." The National Center for Victims of Crime reports that 77% of completed rapes are committed by non-strangers. This dispells the myth that sexual assaults are only carried out by crazed lunatics in a dark alley on the wrong side of town.

Less than 2% of women who are victims of acquaintance rape report their attack, compared to 21% of those who are raped by strangers. The following letter was written by a woman who falls into that 2%. She never reported the incident to the police, but asked for an outlet for her pain- here it is:

I can’t believe you said, “I love you.” I know it’s your first time saying that to a girl and everything, and I know I’ve only been in love twice before. But let me assure you, young man, that this is NOT what love feels like. Love is a listening ear. When I said no, you should have heard me, and obeyed. You should have climbed your scrawny limbs off of me, and gone to sleep. As a matter of fact, you should have gotten out of the bed and slept on the floor. Obviously you didn’t have enough self-control to lie in bed next to me.

 Love is a friend. We’ve known each other for almost two years, and before any romantic relationship, we were friends first. You knew how to make me laugh, and you knew what to say when I started to cry. And somehow tonight, you were the reason my cheeks had rivers of salt-water gushing toward my chin.

Of all the times to tell me that ‘love’ is what you’re feeling, you think this moment is appropriate? Just a few minutes ago, I was pleading you to stop trying to make love to me, and my screams fell on deaf ears. ‘I’m sorry’, and ‘I love you’, and ‘I didn’t mean it’ don’t fix what just happened. What if I’m pregnant? When is the last time you were tested? In a week I’ll go get tested and lose sleep until my results come back. And what will you do? Apologize a few more times, and go back to living your life?
I forgive you. I’m more upset at myself for even coming here, and trusting you, and kissing you. I can’t help but feel like I provoked this, like I asked for this disrespect and mistreatment. The long-hand kept ticking and the short-hand got closer and closer to 2, then 3, then 4am before I realized that this watch was telling me it was time to go. But, no. I stayed because I enjoyed your company. It’s like things were the way they used to be. That was back when we were friends, and when I felt like I was falling in love with you. I don’t feel like that any more. I feel angry, betrayed, and scared. So if you're wondering, the answer is no. I don't love you back. I don't hate you either. I forgive you. And I know one day, I'll be able to forgive myself, too. I don't care that you may never read this, or that we may never speak again. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. They forget to mention the recovery portion that hurts like hell until you're healed. That's where I am now- getting stronger and stronger everyday.

I forgive you. But, I'll never forget.

Talk about it.


  1. She's a very strong women- but most victims don't have that same outlook. Most victims are bitter and angry and emotionally unstable for substantial periods. Rape is a violation that occurs entirely too often, ad it burns me up on the inside when I hear about victims or hear a story- b/c it's like, "Who the hell told you it was okay to take something so personal & special from a women?" I will never be able to comprehend what goes on in these monsters heads that commit such crimes and I actually think now, "What are you gonna do if this happens to your daughter? Are you going to be sad- b/c after all you did it to someone else. . ."

    That may be rude, but I don't care. I have had waaay too many rapes occur to people that love, including my mom, my ex girlfriend AND my bestfriend. And I love & respect women so much, Im never going to understand how someone can bring such harm to a women, and take something that they can never get back.

    About 4 years ago, I was almost raped. . . One of the scariest times of my life. But you know what I say almost, because when they got on top of me I fought. . . I fought like my life depended it. . . I told myself in my mind that I was gonna kill him before he got me. . . And when it was happening and my clothes were being ripped, I almost for a split second wanted to give up & stop fighting, because I didn't think I had any more strength left. But I don't know what happend, I got so angry all over again that this was even happening and I kept fighting. Next thing you know I had grabbed the glass candle holder next to bed broke it on his head to get a sharp edge and stabbed him 3 times in the eye. I wished I stabbed him in the neck or his chest, I wanted him today. But I thank God for my strength- I thank God for saving me. But what about mom? She was raped on her honeymoon- by a man she thought was going to love her & take care of her indefinitely? What about my bestfried & ex? They didn't have the strength to fight- and it's not their fault.
    Some people ask me why I work out so religously, and most jokes I joke and say something like I'm tring to preserve my sexy. . . But really, my upper body strength saved me, and I'll never know when again I would need my strength to fight. . .

  2. You're a fighter. Thanks for sharing your personal story with us- you don't know how many people you've inspired to fight, too.


“Ultimately, happiness rests on how you establish a solid sense of self or being. Happiness does not lie in outward appearances nor in vanity. It is a matter of what you feel inside; it is a deep resonance in your life. To be filled each day with a rewarding sense of exhilaration and purpose, a sense of tasks accomplished and deep fulfillment- people who feel this way are happy. Those who have this sense of satisfaction even if they are extremely busy are much happier than those who have time on their hands but feel empty inside.” – Daisku Ikeda